Friday, May 25, 2007

Mystique and glamour

I'm really getting into Glamourpuss' no holds barred blog, but she's really hit a chord with her latest entry. Here is a little extract:

The truth is, there is nothing mundane about being a woman. And that’s all that men need to know about us. Glamour is everything, and everything should be glamour. Men aren’t all that good at the details, they prefer the overall impression; when they get on the carousel, they want the ride of their life, and in truth, I think most women want that, too. So, shut yourself in the bathroom and lock the door when you pull out the stray hair on your chin. Never pee in front of him unless urolagnia is your bag. And apart from touch-ups, keep the maquillage application to yourself. Never let a man think he possesses you, for while we love the things that have been ours for years, they rarely excite us, and most of the time, we barely see them, taking them for granted instead. These things, these everyday things are mundane, but the rare jewel that may slip from one’s grasp at any moment is a treasure to be jealously, zealously guarded. Such diamonds can be a man’s best friend, as well as his lover, and they are always, always valued.

This is exactly, precisely, why I became single the last time around. I'd become totally taken for granted. So now I'm asking myself, was it, to any extent, my own fault? Apart from letting him pee with the door open, and getting him to pull out my granny whiskers (so charming, non, to be so easy with each other?), I know that I almost totally gave up doing all the things that make me Me, make me happy, to be there for him. Instead, because I loved him, I made a big effort and sacrifices to take an interest in his world, which ended up with me being always available. And like Glamourpuss says, things that are always there become mundane. No wonder in the end I felt totally unappreciated.

I love the way you learn from each relationship and develop yourself as a person, honing your relationship skills, and finding out who the real you is - what makes you happy, and what you are not willing to put up with. But you need the time out in between to reflect and understand. It must be a very difficult process to do when you're in a relationship. It's taken me a year to get back to being the person I enjoy being. I've learnt to guard my individuality and independence. I'm more confident, happier, I've lost weight without thinking about it, and I'm rediscovering my inner minx. In being true to myself, I'm discovering that there is nothing mundane about being me.


Glamourpuss said...

Blimey! I wasn't expecting that.

Very flattering. And yes, my comments were borne of a similar experience to yours. Here's to knowing better next time.


Christine said...

Hi Katie-
I had a relationship experience like that too. Agonizing about its demise took up most of my 20s - what a waste.

I think the secret is to not care too much about whether the relationship works out. That sounds cold, but I've discovered since then that if you can convince yourself to feel this way, the relationship will usually take care of itself!